Thursday, December 31, 2015

on finding magic ...

The time between mid-November and the end of the calendar year is arguably my favorite time of year. Autumn has set in and cool air inevitably turns to crisp, biting breezes. The earth seems to calm, bringing with it a kind of serenity. The sparkle of lights and glittering things is everywhere you look. And I find that humanity is generally kinder to one another.

The holidays can be wonderful ~ full of laughter and reflection. We find how rich we really are, not in material things but in love and light. Families gather together ... both the families we were born into, and the families we create for ourselves. Even if we haven't seen each other the rest of the year, we take time to celebrate the love that has come into our lives. It's a beautiful thing. And sometimes it's very hard.

I learned so many things about myself this holiday season. First, that I'm not responsible for how others feel. About each other, about themselves, about their life situation. That no matter how much I may want a thing for someone I love, I have absolutely no ability to make it happen. And that is in no way a reflection of me. And that's ok. The second thing I've learned is that it's ok to not be in control of everything all the time. In fact sometimes when things are completely out of your control, that's the place where magic begins.

I have always been a peacemaker. I crave harmony. It stems from the very core of who I am, and has for my entire life. Too much discord actually makes me physically ill. I tend to empathize with my tribe, internalizing their pain as my own. There have been times in my life that I didn't make waves simply to avoid creating chaos {those days are long since gone}. I long for a place where we are kind to each other. Where we can talk about our issues and differences without attacking each other. And a place where we can be our true, authentic selves.

But in the course of it all, I've learned that this isn't my responsibility. I cannot be responsible for the feelings and actions of others. I can't make them harmonious or respectful or kind. All I can do is love my people. I am only accountable for me.

While 2014 may have been the year of falling, 2015 has been a year of release. Release from negativity. Release into authenticity. Release from responsibility for things over which I have no control. And surrendering to the magic that is increasingly following me. It really is everywhere. Have you seen it? And I've found the more I surrender, the more I simply release into who I am, the brighter the magic glows. It's beautiful and terrifying and wonderful.

So this will be the theme of 2016. Seeking magical things and people and places. Allowing life to shimmer a bit more. And basking in the glow of the beauty around me.

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